!! DISCLAIMER !!

I hope to make this blog a place to vent, share stories, think out loud, ask for advice and sometimes just make the day a little brighter. I will do my best not to use names. But at some point if you are in my life, I might use you as inspiration (bad or good) in writing. That might offend some people. So in an effort to cover all my bases, here's a little disclaimer for everyone!
If you know me, you know this blog is going to be often brutally honest and not for everyone. If you don't know me, be warned, I am known to say it as I see it. Everyone loves me or hates me. It's just that simple. If there is someone in the gray area, it's probably because you really don't know me at all. Or you met me when I was on display and had to act accordingly.

To My Husband:
You know I love you. We have been to the top of the mountain, the bottom of the valley and back around again (a few times!). But we make it through. Sometimes it's tough and I might vent. But you know we'll figure it out. So if I write about you, please know that if it's been longer than a week since I posted it, chances are we are over the hurdle and back on track. If it's within the week, maybe you could be a little nicer for a few days while I get over it. The Gemini in you takes 5 mins to be ok. The Leo in me takes just a bit longer sometimes....

To My Family:
I am who I am today because of (or in spite of) all of you. I love each of you in our own special way. But we are who we are. And as much as I annoy all of you sometimes, you drive me bonkers, too. Tread lightly, some of you might not want to know everything there is to know. And remember, at the end of the day, we are family and I will love you no matter what. Even when I am not sure why! lol...

To My Friends:
Chances are, if you are really my friend, you will completely understand everything that I post. Even in my moments of insanity. If I post something and you think it might be about you, you might be right. If you are offended by it, talk to me. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. If it's not and you are still offended, then you probably aren't included in this category after all. You should probably look up the terms acquaintance and/or fr-enemies, pick which ever one you want, I'll probably agree with you.

Well, you've been warned.
Happy reading... Comment away...

20 November 2010

I mean it this time, I swear!

I am going to start writing again if it KILLS ME!! lol...

02 June 2008

And then...there was one!

You know...I'm not usually one to write out my feelings, or even express them for that matter. I like to keep my world balled up tightly in my own messed up little mind. Give me all your problems and issues and I will help you solve them... But don't even try to pry into my chaos of an existence. I'm horrible about that. "I'm fine." It's just so easy. And for the most part, whether anyone believes me or not, everyone seems to just go with it.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching over the last few weeks. Trying to find answers. Trying to bring myself back to a semi-peaceful existence. Surprisingly, I have been doing pretty well. It's funny to me where people can find answers sometimes. And as unorthodox as some of my methods typically are, I always seem to find some perspective in the end. Not always the answer I was craving, but an answer just the same.

Life throws me curveballs all the time. And each time I come to realize it's been because I have lost myself in whatever the situation has become. It's really just a way to find me again.

So now I am single, again. With a gorgeous wedding dress that I won’t be wearing anytime soon. And an incredible engagement ring that I am contemplating getting resized so I can wear on a different finger. How crazy is that? It's weird to think that just 7 weeks ago I was (although not energetically as I should have been) planning the "wedding of my dreams". And now, I am back to anxiously talking to boys (I mean men) and going out on "first dates". Isn't life crazy?

I spent a week mad at the world. I spent a week crying every second I could. I spent a week hoping that things would go back to what they were because it just had to work out. I’ve spent a lot of different emotions. But it has all brought me back to a heightened sense of self. As corny as I think it is, the saying is true “Everything happens for a reason”. We may not like the reason, but it will find us eventually.

I finally found my reason. I think it was pretty apparent. I might have known it the whole time. I was just masking it with a fear of being alone and a sense of “love” that I desired so greatly. I took a friend and made the image of a lover that I wanted. Unfortunately for him, when he came close to meeting the image, I realized it wasn’t what I needed, so I changed the stakes. Call it keeping him on his toes…But more like keeping him at a distance. In all fairness to myself, he wasn’t playing a straight game either. He has a poker face that could kill. And I let him play with my heart way more than I should have.

Did I love him? Of course. Am I sorry that it all happened? Not a chance. He taught me a lot and for that, I am thankful.

So, now what? What’s next? Well, I have no clue. But I’m sure it will be one hell of a ride!

Whose up for the next roller coaster? Woo!

17 April 2008

Life Changes...

Ok, so I had made this blog all about my wedding...
But now I have to make some changes again.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But the wedding has been cancelled.

Doug and I have parted company. We are still good friends and love each other very much... But we both decided friends just works better...

That said... No more wedding blog.
What will I do with this thing now? :)

PS... In case you missed it, that means I'M SINGLE AGAIN!! WOO!

01 March 2008

SoBe Commercial - Thriller

I know it's not wedding stuff...
but this is too cute!!!



25 February 2008

No Place That Far

I cant imagine, any greater fear
Then waking up, without you here,
And though the sun, will still shine on,
My whole world, would all be gone,
But not for long,

If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,
Theres no place that far

It wouldnt matter why were apart,
Lonely minds or two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of God above
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much

If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,
Theres no place that far

If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,
Theres no place that far

Baby theres no place that far

One More Day...

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didnt ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing Id do, is pray for time to crawl
Then Id unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
Id hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
Thats what Id do, with one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

Old Fashioned Wedding...

One of my favorites!! :)